Wednesday, February 24, 2010

IT'S NOT FAIR!!!

It's not fair, It's not fair!! Three little words that some days, I feel like if I hear them just ONE more time, I could very well lose my ever lovin' mind! "Why does she get to go to a friends, it's not fair", "why does she get to have a friend over, it's not fair", "how come she gets that, it's not fair"..... You can just about put anything with those three little words, and believe me, all three of my girls do. Some days, I am a sweet, loving and patient mommy that explain in a bunch of sentences how there are things in life that happen that just aren't fair. Other days, I am the completely irritated, not even a little bit patient mommy that barks, "Life isn't fair, get over it!" I would like to say that more often than not that I am the loving mommy, but sadly the opposite is probably true. I don't know for sure, I don't have a list where I check off nice mommy, mean mommy, but in the craziness of life it's not always easy having the patience to deal with those three words numerous times a day. And quite frankly, genetically I didn't get much of the "patience gene". Thanks, Dad! :)

Over the last few weeks, I have found myself saying those same three little words to God...IT'S NOT FAIR!! I have a sweet friend who was told she has cancer...for the second time. It wasn't fair the first time and it certainly isn't fair this time. The first time she didn't have to endure chemo, this time she will. IT'S NOT FAIR! She is young, a wife, a mother to three young sons, a preschool teacher, one of the godliest women I know even in the face of heavy trials, a fabulous cook and baker, who since I met her several years ago has baked me my favorite, carrot cake from scratch every year for my birthday. She is a great person and I am honored to call her my friend! It's not fair, God, it's just not fair! How can you let this happen? How come she has to tell her boys that once again, mommy has cancer? It's not fair! I wonder...if I could actually hear the words of God, would He be lovingly telling me that bad things happen to good people and not everything in life is fair or would he be barking at me to get over it?!

The last few days, I have really started to think about how my thoughts are paralleling the way my girls sometimes act. Yes, I pray for God's will and while I do really want that in everything, it is still really hard to always have the right attitude about God's will. I find myself in prayer sometimes saying to God to make her better, rid her of the cancer. Hey, even better, God make the cancer be gone when the doctors open her up because after all that would be a great way for everyone to witness your miracle. While this is something that God could totally do, it is still not the right attitude to go to God in prayer with. I am working on that. I know I have much to be thankful for and I am praying for God's will in everything. After all, God knows the desires of our hearts before we even know them so I just need to keep praying, trust and have faith!

Until next time...

3 comments:

PandaMom said...

I so agree with you! I'm so thankful that we can rest in Him and trust His loving heart even when there is NO WAY for us to understand the circumstances. Standing in the gap for her with you. ; )

3BoyMom said...

I love you, Sass.

The Horton Family said...

Yep, I know how you feel Sass. It is so not fair. Life is not fair. I have a hard time knowing how to pray also. Know that I'm in this with you. And God will heal her if it's in His plan.